I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
