We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i barfeds in our rink
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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