so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
