apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
