and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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