and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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