I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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