my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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