it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
