I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
