No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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