i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
