Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
