Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
