I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
