i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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