I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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