Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So much rum. So many feels.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
