It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
