i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
