considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
