my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
