The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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