Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
