Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
