found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
