I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
