Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
