Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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