i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
