My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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