ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize