the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
