i think my tv is drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
