I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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