i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
