yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think your dad took our porno
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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