Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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