we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
