I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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