P.S. I can't hear my feet
there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
