You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
