hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize