There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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