so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
