they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
