also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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