can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
