she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
