Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
