And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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