We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
