please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize