I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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