I bet he comes in French.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
