Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize