I didn't shave. On purpose
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
