That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize