He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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