Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
