he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
