You're so nebulous sometimes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
