he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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