i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
