so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
