Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
