I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
