The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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