They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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