come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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