i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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