my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize