dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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