Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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