She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
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