During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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