tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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