she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
