I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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