Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
