Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
