I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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