Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
