it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
