O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
