You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize