Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Im part way to drunk.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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