I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
