The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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