can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize