Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize