I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
