i need an iv and a liver transplant
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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