....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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