My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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