I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
worst night to have a conscience
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
