i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
