omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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