only if we run a train.
done.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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