A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
