he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
