I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
