the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
