When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
