I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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