i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
operation have a gay friend backfired
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you are never too drunk for berry picking
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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